Personal Birth Story

I've been chatting a lot lately with others about how my birth went, and I've decided I'm ready to share it with everyone. I've realized that so many of the things that went through my head, or happened when I was finally in labor are happening to other people too.

First, it's okay to admit what you don't know (and its okay to do that at ANY part of your pregnancy.) For the first 7 or so months, I had convinced myself that, since this was all part of a natural process, instinct would kick in and I would be able to figure out what to do. At that 7 or-so month mark, that all pivoted and I realized I was terrified of what I didn't know (cue hiring a doula and registering for every childbirth class within a 50 mile radius).

Even after taking the courses, having a baby, and becoming a doula, I still feel like I'm learning new things about pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum at an astounding rate. There are just so many conditional factors, and so many different ways to look at it! I hope to continue to be able to learn as many thing as I can in the hope of being able to help new moms, but with all of that in mind- my point was that I still managed to birth a very happy, healthy little human! It's okay to not know everything, and you totally can do it with no knowledge, limited knowledge, or hours a day of research.

Learn as much as makes you comfortable.

If you're a person that feels more prepared the more you research, keep going! consider books that cover many topics so you know what you need to explore, and join moms groups so that when something triggers an idea in your mind you have people to ask.

If you're more easy going and you feel like you want to just wing it and let instinct kick-in, that is okay too! you get to make that choice.

If you think you're one and then you end up flopping to the other at the last-minute, no one will blame you. When I did the intake forms for the first CBE class I was so nervous to admit in that "what do you hope to learn?" box that it was literally everything, but it was totally fine. If you don't admit that there are things you don't know but that you want to know, no one will be able to answer your questions. As a doula, I love answering questions, and if i don't know an answer I would love to look it up with you.

Then, make a plan and prepare for it to change.

It is rare for a birth to go exactly as planned. For me, that looked like many many hours of active labor, just to end up with a c-section. For some, this is trauma inducing, but I had gone in knowing that I was prepared to pivot in any way that my medical and support teams thought was for the best. In this case, I had been stuck at 8cm dilated for hours, and baby was starting to get stressed out. His heart rate was dropping every so often, and he ended up pooping in-utero. My midwife informed me that these were signs of baby being in distress, and that it was my choice if I wanted to keep attempting to let labor progress, or not, but in her opinion it was unlikely to change after so long of being stuck and not being able to progress.

This all happened in spite of everything I did pre-labor (like raspberry leaf tea and endlessly rocking on a ball) and despite all of the efforts of my birthing team to keep things moving (I stayed home as long as I could so I felt safe and comfortable, I moved around in the labor room frequently, my doula adjusted my positions endlessly, etc.) In the end, I was so glad to have him in my arms that it didn't matter anymore.

I was okay with the ways the plan had changed, I think because I knew that it might change before it all began.

There were other things I knew too. Things that did come intuitively or instinctually like I knew parts would. I was so so sure on the day that I went into labor, that it was going to be the day that I went to labor (admittedly, I had also been sure the weekend before that I was in labor and sent my stepdaughter to grandmas only to find out it wasn't labor, but it was a good trial run). I woke up that morning and said "it's going to start today." I remember my husband saying he hoped so. My water broke later that night. Luckily, our oldest was with family and my dogs were already at the sitters because I had been so sure it was coming.

I wanted to be able to breastfeed so badly. I think many moms do after it being drilled in our heads that its best for baby, that it's cheaper. etc. I wanted that to be intuitive and easy (even though I read that it often wasn't.) I was willing to put in the work if it wasn't. It never worked out for us no matter what I tried, and in the end I found a lot of benefits to exclusively pumping. Later, I read that it can often be hard for people with MTHFR gene mutations, which I likely have, to be able to breastfeed. Even though I had brought up the mutation to my midwife, who had told me some ways it could effect pregnancy, I hadn't been told that before, and didn't learn it until long after I had stopped attempting to breastfeed or even pumping.

It is okay for the plan to change. Its okay that somethings come easier, quicker, more naturally, or more instinctually and some do not. Go with the flow.

In the end, I had a long labor but felt in control and cared for the entire team. Every member of my birth team was wonderful including my husband, my doula, my midwife, my nurses, and even the surgeon who stepped in when we eventually opted or the c-section. I'm glad that I was able to ask for help when I needed it, from nurses, to lactation consultants, to assigning chores to friends and family post-partum.

I am happy to have had the birth that I did, and to have my baby.

I wish you the same joy following yours, and I'm here for you if it takes you some time to find it.