Breastfeeding- Take Two

With most of my first pregnancy, but especially breastfeeding, I said to myself "this is natural, my body will know what to do!" and didn't spend too much time thinking about any of it, or really preparing in any way.

At about 34 weeks, I suddenly realized that there was actually so much about it all that I wanted to be prepared for, and started scrambling to get my hands on all the books, classes, and anecdotes I could get my hands on (and squeeze into the last few weeks of pregnancy). If you've ever crammed for a test in college, you probably already know that I didn't have enough time to fully process a lot of that information. One thing it cost me was the breastfeeding journey I had imagined with my son.

There were definitely other factors, and the journey I did have was still amazing. He is happy and healthy, and I have an intense adoration for anyone who exclusively pumps because I know exactly how exhausting that can be, but this post is meant to be about my breastfeeding journey with my daughter, the one that looks a lot more like the one I had pictured in my "I'll intuitively be great at all of this!" delusions, I mean, dreams.

There were some things I did differently that led to my success this time.

First, I was prepared for things not to go right. It's hard to want to prepare back-up plans when have the time and emotion already invested into a big decision. With both kids, I wanted to breastfeed because I believed in the benefits of breastmilk for my children, and have the ease of having an "on-tap" food supply wherever we went. While I still hoped I would be able to give these small-gifts to my family during my second pregnancy, I had learned from my first that there were other benefits and options. Maybe I'd have another child who wouldn't latch, exclusively pumping would still get her full of breast-milk, plus other people could help with feeds! Maybe my supply wouldn't meet the demand, but I had done research and listened to anecdotes about what formula brands were safe and easy for many babies to digest. Maybe I would have an over-supple, and, honestly, I didn't have room in my freezer for that, but I learned last time that donating milk can be a hugely rewarding experience!

That brings me to number two. This time, I had friends who had lived this part too. With my first, I didn't have many friends who had children. Almost all the moms I knew were my childcare clients, and I didn't feel like I could just start talking to them about their boobs. I also hadn't spent much time around women who were breastfeeding. As my first child got older, I worked hard to find us some local families of friends. Kids for him and my step-daughter to play with, and parents that my husband and/or I could connect with and share our parenting experience, our time, and our snacks with without feeling judged or forced. One of these moms had been a breastfeeding inspiration for me after I saw how long she was able to feed her first, and I was excited when we were pregnant together with our baby girls after our boys being just a few weeks apart. When we met her daughter at just a few weeks old, I was still pregnant, but I had learned that it is okay to talk about this stuff with the people closest to you, and asked her how breastfeeding was going. She shared some of the "quirks" they were working through. I realized in exactly that moment, there are few things in life that work without quirks, and it would be okay if I experienced some quirks too. At the moment that I'm writing this, I can admit we're also working through some quirks. My poor baby chokes on my let-down in seemingly every position. For the first couple weeks, I was tucking a burp cloth into my bra while I fed her because she would dribble so much that my bra would be soaked through. I have to carry a nipple shield with us everywhere because I'm anxious that the one time I don't have it she'll decide not to latch and she'll need it.

Third, I had a living resource, a lactation consultant who really knew her stuff and seemed to thrive on getting to share it. I feel good about being able to help the people around me with their questions about entertaining their toddler or teaching their first-grader phonics skills. I've never felt like a parent asked me a stupid question about either of those topics. She brought the same energy to our lactation consultation and I immediately felt like I connected to her, and was able to take in all of the information she was sharing because she was such an engaging mentor. With my first. I had read all about breastfeeding, and I am usually the kind of person who learns well from a book, but knowing I could ask questions and share my concerns really made a difference here. To clarify, I know an LC can be an expense for some families that isn't practical. For me, our initial visit was build into my prenatal care, and I have not had to schedule another consultation or accrue that out of pocket experience. I have, though, reread the notes from our initial visit about a dozen times, and I did email her 5 hours postpartum when I was just so excited that baby had latched so quickly. She was touched that I shared that at such a vulnerable time and I have felt like I had a silent cheerleader ever since. Your expert doesn't need to be a lactation consultant. It can be someone you met at a la leche league meeting, or a knowledgeable pediatrician, but I feel like having an expert I knew I could go to if my problems got bigger really gave me the confidence to work through some issues this time, and I would highly recommend it as a strategy for anyone hoping for a solid breastfeeding journey.

I am excited that these things are all coming together to bring me closer to the journey I had first envisioned almost three years ago, but it still isn't exactly that. I've learned new things and changed my priorities along the way.

As a doula, I believe in the village. A gift from your village is the conversation, the shared and compared experiences. Maybe your village isn't local. Maybe your village is coming from stories other moms have shared online about what worked and didn't work for them, like this one. You may not know me, but you may know something about the experiences I'm sharing.

Have a similar or completely opposite experience? I'd love to hear about it if it feels right in your heart to tell it. You are an amazing momma no matter how your baby is fed.